here, there and everywhere

remember that whole ghar vapsi (going back home) thing , that caused quite a bit of ruffled feathers (just one of the silly brain waves of recent times).

well today’s story is of one such family that took leave of their senses and got caught in the emotional tide and decided to find their way “home”;

So senior Mr.Abbas called for a meeting with his clan. All 7 children along with spouses and grandkids in tow, attended the meeting over lunch.

Mrs. Abbas had made an effort to prepare biryani and firni for the momentous occasion, the smell of it cooking slowly emanating from the kitchen made the family eager to get on with the meeting and get to tucking into some lunch.

The patriach didn’t waste time and dove straight into the matter of concern. He announced to the family that on doing some research, he had discovered that his great great grandfather who they always knew to be Abbasjaan was originally Abbotbhai . During the mughal reign they felt the need to convert and adopt a new way of life , due to social and eonomic pressures. Abbotbhai decided to turn into Abbas. Soon he became very popular in the “mohalla” and jaan got linked to his new identity.

The family was now in utter disbelief. Rapt in attention mr.abbas continued how the government was now compensating all those who wished to return to their real roots. All 32 family members started debating aloud about the new suggestion they faced . Finally, mr. Abbas being the revered head spoke up and informed htem that the decision was made to convert (or reconvert as they were indeed converts already) back to their old caste.

In time the Abbas’ became Abbot’s. Shaheen’s became Shahid, Armaan’s became Aman, Saira’s became Sita, and , you get the drift!!

Paper work done, gazette’s of name change done, the Abbot’s started living their new (actually original), lifestyles.

Senior mrs.A also became an expert at a veg biryani (with the slight trouble of over marinating the paneer). she was too hard wired in making sure it “gallowed” (cooked). She still thought of it as the ‘meat’ of the dish.

Sharara’s became shalwars, and adaab turned into namaste. The skull caps retired into a remote cupboard corner, and the tasbih became a mala.

Compensation promised by the government received.

Couple of months later it was time to get one of the grand daughter’s married. She was all of 18 and time would soon run out if a good groom was not found . Proposals were sought through match makers but all came back in the negative. Some matchmakers avoided taking on the task.  Afterall how reliable could recent entrants into the community be? afterall they’d eaten non veg their whole lives, remnants were probably still left inside, said another.

The family began to realise the reality of their decision.

Young, Sangita previously Shabina, confessed to her mother that she secretly loved Amir, a boy of their previous community. The mother hesitated but thought it no harm as the girl would simply have to go back to the previous community. Which afterall was not new to them, not until 3 generations ago.

Amir who had liked Shabina too, now decided he wasn’t too enamoured by Sangita, specially as she was of another community. How would she adjust ?

Slowly, it dawned on the Abbots, that they were not part of any community any more. Not well received by the new and outcast from the old.

They decided they might as well go back to where they came from, which is what they had done in the first place, but home seemed to have moved on in time, and now they are the Abbas’.

So history did repeat itself eventually, taking the Abbots to Abbas to Abbas to Abbas to Abbot and back to Abbas. . . .confused ? yes so are they . . . unfortunately now like the proverbial “dhobi ka kutta, na ghar ka na ghat ka”

FYI: the premise of this story is based on some truth
A classic case of misguided folk and unfocussed leaders.
Governance shouldn’t bother about how one eats, dresses, prays or performs their last rites. Governance should focus on growth of all as a whole. It takes differently abled parts to build a motor. All doing their roles to make it move forward.

No honey! 69 is not listed. . . .

My last post was one written by my daughter , an argumentative for her school. It’s nice know the thoughts of a teen , and gives one an idea of the  pulse of the new generation.

But now it’s back to a grown up  world , which sometimes seems more warped than a child’s.

Today’s post is not really a part of MYWORLD per se, but it has tickled my funny bone, enough to write a little on it. .

Saudi Arabia will now be getting it’s 1st ever “sex shop” .

helal sex shop Helal-Sex-Shop-ve-Cübbeli

Now now hold your horses  before you go ahead and click on  ‘book’,  for your next  holiday to mecca, you must know a few things.

First and foremost the new shop is not intended to convert Saudi into a ‘sex haven’ , oh no! It is in fact a “sharia compliant” “purely halal” endeavour.

The products on sale don’t really have anything to do with the “sex act itself” , good heavens no!

goat bride

The idea and intent behind it, is to improve relations between husband and wife (goats please excuse). All items on sale like candles, aromatic fragrances, sheets printed with cute  goat pictures etc, are only to heighten the  overall  atmosphere, and sensuality, improve intimacy, not to be confused with sex, please!

blow up doll fluffy handcuffs

The fate of the toys rests in the hands of the clerics , all those he deems as atmosphere enhancing will pass the test , the ones that actually partake may not fit the bill at all.

sex-brahmacharya incense cd book

There will be things on sale that heighten spirituality too. I wonder what those could be, maybe heady incense burning with some chants repeated in a low husky seductive voice, slowly increasing in pace.

 

 

aphrodisiac_viagraAgain foods; are aphrodisiacs ok or do only  subtle foods like strawberries and non alchoholic champagne get the green signal? (hey all those who are sniggering at the non alchoholic part remember it’s only placebo that is the aim)

Decisions, decisions, decisions, as difficicult as they are will have to be made. The line between evil and good must be drawn , and good guidance given.

essential_oils_main_graphic oils massage oilsThe poor clerics have some difficult calls  to make I’m sure, (but for the sake of the community at large they must )  like oils for example, burning of aromatic oils would probably get the go ahead, massage oils on the other hand , fall into an iffy bracket, do the clerics get to try the wares before they figure out what is morally ok and what is not? This job just seems to get  harder and harder.

Well, I’m glad I’m not at the helm of decision making , I just follow the rules.

strawberries non al champ

So here’s  wishing you all a pure and kosher weekend. Do indulge. The good lord has given us the go ahead.

hAVEN fOR tHE hOLY cOWS- news from Animal Kingdom Times

Cow-Jumps-Over-Moon-Lowell-Herrero-42254

Gayatri and Cowshalya cannot believe their luck, they are simply over the moon with joy. The government has declared them inedible. Maharashtra is now the haven for cows world over. The Switzerland of the cow world if you will.

hungrywaterbuffaloes 2010-07-Fair-and-Lovely-Foundation

The buffalo have made a quick decision to upgrade their status in society starting with a huge investment in fairness creams. Sure fire way to change your destiny- if ads are to be believed.

sheep

The sheep are putting on their best smiles in a bid to lure the Mary’s of the world, that they may follow around for the rest of their lives.

headless_chicken_loneheadless-chickens

The chicken are  running around in frantic circles searching for a voice, overwhelmed and just feeling like they can’t get their head round things.

eggsThey know sometimes it’s over it even before it starts!

travisb-duck-day-029

The ducks are happy with their unpopularity, and really couldn’t give a @$#% !

heritage_turkeys1

The turkeys give thanks for their ugly looks,  making them un- favourites with indian cooks.

dog eyes

Masters of that soulful look, dogs know what  can get  them off the hook.

max2 cat

The lords of the animal world, cats are least stressed of all.

One little snarl at the human beingS and they know they have them  by the @%##*!!

laughing-pigs

the pigs just sing away their blues, defamed and demeened as the cause of swine flu, they’ll never be holy or revered, simply end up in blankets to be devoured.

blue bird

and  signing off -those are the latest tweets – from the little blue bird. bye for now!!

and they’re buying a stairway to heaven. . . .

FunDraw-dot-com-Blind-Justice
lady justice handicapped

I wonder if any of you’ve been following up on a certain celebrity’s hit and run case.  For the past 12 years the case has dragged on in court. The evident changes in the evidence makes one,’cluck cluck’ over the manner in which cases are conducted. It takes forever to close a case, giving lawyers enough time to manipulate the web they wish to weave. It amuses me when I read how the blood sample collected was suddenly too little to have conclusive evidence (maybe a little evaporated over the last dozen years). The testing of the sample was apparently done in an outdated manner too. But I have to ask, what about those whose blood tests were conducted in the same manner at the same time and they were convicted as DUI, and have already served the sentence meted out?

Should their cases be reviewed now and how should they be compensated for their time?

justice_league__titans_by_dmartin01-d5ar9g9
keepers of justice -comics really!

The  poor witness’ have gone old and started suffering from alzheimers (they can’t recall much) and have sleep disorders (dropping off to sleep during court sessions) .

If I was a witness I would want to bring on some of these disorders too. Imagine the stress attached to it all.

I am so absent minded I seem to have an auto delete in my brain and forget incidences beyond 3 months. So no wonder the statements recorded and re recorded by witness’are flip flopping.

Sometimes the new evidence is so glaring in nature, like the only license issued registered on an otherwise blank sheet, makes me laugh out loud.

Considering he didn’t have a license, shouldn’t the charge get worse?

Driving Under the Influence without a valid license?!

i.e. If he was actually driving. I am very confused about the facts in this case now.

criss angel
Criss Angel-Mindfreak

Frankly the way the case is headed, by the end of it, we may be informed there never was an accident in the first place, nothing really happened and the whole thing was an illusion, as were so many other “unsolved cases”,all along, scripted and directed by a master entertainer illusionist of all time. Leaving us all  in complete awe.

But don’t fret about it or slap yourself on the  forehead for not seeing the reality, you will be forgiven for being fooled. Don’t forget, we are after  all  prone to naivety and simply just being human!

time to budge-it


courtysidesheep

fruitsCy(my husband) and I took off to a hill station for the weekend recently. Enjoying the countryside. It’s still cool and fairly green. We stopped on the roadside to buy some fruit. They looked so juicy and inviting. We got talking to the fruit vendor. I asked him his name , he said ,”call me Ramu’! He told us  he liked our car and had dreams of owning 1 one day, and so the narration  of Ramu kaka’s (ramu uncle; we indians are all related), dreams unfolded.

ramuRamu kaka a fine man , lived a good simple and uncomplicated life. One day at the village fair he saw some imported cows for sale . He was very impressed by their looks. Having a creative mind he thought if,” I could buy a  healthy cow  and milk it, I could then make cream, paneer, and maybe even mawa from the rich milk and set up a shop to sell mithai( sweetmeats)”.

milk man cow with udders

Breeding the cows locally would be great too as the quality of milk and supply to the local villagers would increase. This would give employment to many locals as well. He would need land for the cows to graze. The grazing would keep the grass trimmed and Ramu kaka thought he would invest in land that didn’t produce anything but grass for this. The environment would stay clean and green too, along with the industry of milk and dairy that would grow in tandem. Wow this was turning into a brilliant idea indeed! The whole village would benefit.

village lakevillage

sweet dreams are made of these

Sweets_Mithai_for_Diwali_and_other_Festivals_of_India 2011_BMW_535i_--_NHTSA_2

Ramu kaka started the process , he gathered up the funds , and booked the cows. The government authorities were very happy seeing his plans, and nodded and applauded his good intentions. Ramu kaka started to get his approvals , but along the way the babu’s thought, wow, lovely idea, “you will make millions after selling the mawa and the mithai, so please ,”humara muh bhi mitha kar do” (share a taste of the sweetness with us also), so that I may give you permission to start the work”. Ramu kaka reasoned that he needed the approval to buy the cows, the land etc. and probably 5 years later his business would show profits.

old files

Ramu kaka’s file was put aside. And so started  his journey to get the stamp of approval. Every office he went to, he had to give a drop of the virtual milk he would milk, sometimes a piece of the sweetmeat he’d make and eventually sell at a high value . Ramu kaka started scaling down his plans as he now needed to factor in the donations from the future sales at the present cost based on profit projections 5 years hence.

cow on wall
the cow that passed on in waiting

From the original plan of 10 cows Ramu decided to start with 5 as now half his funds  and energy were lost in seeking approvals which should’ve been free. Time went by governments changed.The new government spoke of  growth and non corruption. Ramu kaka’s hope soared , he could almost taste the mithai himself.

approvedRamu kaka has managed to get all his approvals finally, but not before feeding the virtual mithai to all the hungry babu’s.

Ramu kaka can now look forward to realizing his dream, supported by the new government.

nano Khuwa_vendor_nepal

slightly altered dreams now!

But after using up most of his projected profit , from the  expected cream, which would come from the milk of his imported , still to purchase cow, based on his pocket presently,  he is now the proud owner of 1 tail and 2 non existent horns of the cow.

ramu 2News3-1_cow

He hopes to  gather some money and slowly purchase the whole cow. Thankfully he has managed to get sole buying rights on most of the cow. 3 udders can be his, if he manages to pay up within the stipulated time frame allotted to him.

Ramu kaka hopes to get a taste of the mithai, he will make from the cow he will eventually purchase, and extract  the cream from the milk, he will milk, and maybe even churn some butter.

gopal
ramu’s son gopal
vote
learning from stalwarts

Ramu kaka now also feels his children should enter politics , it’s the only profession in which one gets to enjoy others’ profits long before their business has actually started , even in cases where it may never even take off. It’s the most profitable 5 year plan one can dream of.

We wished him good luck and hope to 1 day visit a flourishing mithai shop of his. Until such time as sincerity and fair play donot govern Ramu kakas around the country will struggle to set up an honest living.

we’re hearing of it from the news, let’s hear it from the grassroots,

it’s time to clean up . . . .

prudency, hypocrisy, or just plain bossy ?

180px-Chickentandooritandoor    chicken roast

vs

roast

Recently we saw the AIB roast on you tube. We were lucky enough to see it before it was taken off  air.

It was a laugh and a hoot. We laughed until our sides hurt. Kudos to the people on stage and some off stage who didn’t mind the pot shots being taken at them. The comedians made fun of each other too. Hilarious! But sadly it was muffled and strangled to  a sudden death.

Cause of death: because we are a nation of tandoor!

There’s such a fine line between moral policing and over stepping the line of interference into personal freedom.

 Who decides what’s acceptable ???

Presentation cycle

I Sit

So recently i had the, well,  pleasure of having to get some documents registered.I share with you my experience;

stamp paper

I sit and wait for ‘sir’ to come,

with no choice but my work to get done,

He takes his time, calling the shots,

The public waits patiently, for now he is the boss.

sunlightchair

I sit and wait, on a broken bench,

The sun’s rays burn down on me, piercing not unlike a wrench,

Temperature rising I try to keep my cool,

Get your papers stamped, now don’t be a fool.

clock

It’s been a few hours by now you know,

My feet are numb and my arse is sore,

Saheb is finally back from his lordly lunch,

Arrey wait a little , its time for chai and some munch.

chai21

Burp! Ok it’s time to roll,

Only 1 hour to closing, chalo do the number call.

files

I make my way through the walls of files,

Surviving Suffocation as moldy air stifles.

Aiiye madam, do your sign over here,

Is it really you? No, no, we need to be sure.

Enduring Freedom

Stick your thumb in ink and stamp it dear,

Ho gaya madam, 2 minute ka hi kaam tha,

Par speed nahin kar sakte hain na,

aakhir ye hain government khaata.

Legalization